by Robin Norwood
"The more difficult it is to end a relationship that is bad for you, the more elements of your childhood struggle it contains.'
This book is so spot on accurate it's scary! It is definitely a tear-jerking, heart-wrenching book to read, but more than worth the tears and pain. However, I would only recommend this book to those of you who are truly ready to face your demons.
The book is full of stories about women who have loved too much. Each woman's story is a little different, but it all boils down to the same thing: We choose men not because they're like our parents, as we sometimes believe, but because they bring about the same emotional patterns we went through as children.
A woman who grew up in an emotionally or physically abusive home chooses abusive men because she hasn't broken the habit. She truly doesn't know what to do with a man who treats her kindly, and will often tell herself that kind, stable men are 'boring.'
So let's break the habit! I'll admit that it does take practice to be around healthy people when you are so used to being abused. Even though theoretically we know it's wrong, we become addicted to pain and turmoil. Crazy, right?? Believe it, ladies! The good news is we can break the habit.
Not good at making 'good' friends? Go to an LDS church and you will be surrounded by upbeat people. They tell you you look nice, even when you feel like shit, and they're genuinely interested in your day. This I say as an Agnostic. Not my personal push for the LDS church, but I've been to a few and I find the upbeat attitude everywhere inside the building.
So how do you find nice men? How do you attract good men, you ask? Step 1: Get OUT of the bad relationship. (Mental commentary, scripts, and how-to guide soon to come!) Step 2: Be nice to yourself. As Jenn B. said, 'Treat yourself as you would like to be treated!' Men know when you don't respect yourself, and you will make yourself an easy target for bad men if that's the case. Step 3: Share your success story! You can get out, get over it, and move on with your life as a healthier, happier woman. Three, two, one, GO!
I am a man n the book helped me a lot. All these women here deluding themselves on the joy of divorce should come back to reality.
ReplyDeleteTh norm is to be in a relationship with someone that respects you and treat you well. Not being divirced.
Thank you, and you're exactly right. Divorce and being single does suck, but it's a hell of a lot better than being in a relationship lacking love, respect, and support. That's the point of this blog. We aren't saying that those in good relationships shouldn't stay in them, we're here to give women the courage to CHANGE a bad situation.
ReplyDeleteI love men like you who read those books, read these blogs, and are willing to do the work to become a great partner. Kudos to you!
When you are with a man, talk about what you want if you want to get it. A lot of women make the mistake of avoiding serious topics with their men to not upset them and appear demanding and they ended up having none of what they want from the relationship because they made it easy for the guy in the first place... Ladies, make sure you tell guys exactly what you want and are wiling to accept from them so that you don't end up in dead end relationship or un satisfying ones .
ReplyDeleteI agree! You'll never get what you want if you don't openly admit you want it.
DeleteThank you! :)
Question for a man who is in an outrageously jealous relationship how does this book help her, she said this is the book she has been reading. from the comments i've seen so far it seems i should be reading it cause i want her to be better so bad but i am from a stable up bringing
ReplyDeleteThis book won't help anyone who isn't ready to change. Jealousy comes from personal insecurity. If you love her enough to help her, the best thing to do is try to find out the source of her insecurities and she can build up from there. As difficult as it is to be in a relationship with a jealous person, I believe it must be equally as difficult to be that insecure. Good luck :)
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