Remember how I knew exactly - like, down to a tee and a precise list - what I wanted in a man. Right??
Well, like my grandpa always says... You can Want in one hand and Shit in the other and see which gets full faster.
So, I went about my normal routine. I dated very aggressively until I found someone who was exactly what I wanted, and blah blah blah... it ended poorly, etc, etc...
No... Wait... that's not actually what happened.
This is the part where I did something I thought I would never do. Before I went out to date again, I changed my Man Filter. I decided that looking for what I wanted hadn't worked out in the past, so I decided to broaden my horizons and be a little less specific about required job history, hobbies, education history, etc. I started about my normal routine, and I dated very aggressively until I found someone who was exactly what I needed.
And let me tell you what a difference it has made. It makes me sad to realize how little I knew about myself, or wanted to know about myself before I met him. He has opened my eyes to my deepest secrets - the parts of myself that have limited me for years. And he's lovingly forcing me to fix them.
I'll be in tears if I go into too much detail, but I will give you a glimpse into my perfect life.
6:05 Alarm goes off and I get up to shower.
6:20 'Honey, do you want coffee or tea?' he asks through the bathroom door.
6:45 'Morning, Beautiful' he says as he hugs me tight and kisses my forehead. 'Breakfast is on the table.'
I proceed with my day, get my kids ready for school, my man goes to work, I go to work.
Disaster strikes throughout the week, of course. I get sad, stressed, overwhelmed, and he is by my side every step of the way. When I am upset and want to hold it in, he forces me to talk about it. He tells me the eye-opening things that I tell other people. He forces me to face my fears about myself, and reminds me that I am wonderful, in spite of my self-proclaimed inadequacies.
It's like he wants to hear about my bad days and the things that stress me out or make me sad. Only it's not just like that, he really does want to hear it. He has proven through his actions that he is going to be there for me. I have someone to talk to at my convenience. When I need someone, he is there. Not just when he feels like hearing it or when he's in a good enough mood not to mock me.
It feels right. He talks about our future, and has done so from about a week in. There is no commitment phobia whatsoever in this relationship. No insecurity, no control. Just partnership, friendship, and love.
As it turns out, those three things are the things I needed most. To not wonder if this person is going to be with me or against me today, or when we're going to break up. To not feel overwhelmed by being the only adult in the house. To trust and have faith in something.
Don't get me wrong... we have arguments, we both get in bad moods where it seems neither of us can win, but we always work it out. We've been going strong for a few months now and I can't wait to see what the future holds. <3
Edited to add:
Wow. Strange things happen when your mind is ready to accept them. (Think of noticing blue cars everywhere when you buy a blue car.) I found an article on The Good Men Project that perfectly describes my current relationship. It is so accurate it's scary. And so true! Please read this article and start looking for the signs that you're in a healthy relationship!
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