Becoming A Better Version Of Myself

This is my motto for the next few months - Become a better version of Me. I know I took a long break from writing this summer. I had a job, I was dating, I had my kids and the usual ex drama-trauma-rama to deal with. But I'm back. I took a deep breath and now I'm ready to get back in the saddle again.

Goal #1 - Become A Competent Engineer

School is going GREAT. For the first time in my life, I am attempting six classes with a total of fifteen credits and staying on top of it. (I realize that this isn't a huge feat for many people, but for me this is like climbing Mt. Everest). I found some study buddies who encourage me and make me accountable for my work. I also decided that more than spitting fire back and forth with my least favorite professor, I want to become a competent engineer. I got a tutor, I am making it a point to study and read and study some more, and I am determined to show up on time to every class. Four successful weeks down, eleven or so to go. 

Goal #2 - Become A Girlfriend Worth Keeping

I also found a guy who, so far, is everything I've dreamed of and more. Smart and educated, handsome, fun, creative, spontaneous, caring... what more could I ask for?? [insert starstruck face here]. It's only been a few months, and I will openly admit that I am almost too boggled to just let it be. I know I posted before about not knowing what to do with a man who treats you kindly, and that is exactly what I am suffering from. This man has expended so much time and effort on me the last few months. I'm trying so hard not to take this for granted, and to find something to offer, but for some reason I feel inadequate. Maybe inadequate isn't the word... it's more like I'm lacking focus. He touches me and I'm immobilized. He says kind things to me and I don't know how to respond. I have never said 'thank you' so many times in my life, which I believe is a good sign. I have a lot to be thankful for with this one. We have so much to talk about, and I feel at ease around him. I wake up missing him in the middle of the night, my chest physically aching. I'm tempted to add this guy to my spreadsheet of Not-So-Charming Princes just to prove to myself - on paper - that I did find it all. If anyone in this relationship is the better half, it's him.

So how does this pertain to becoming a better version of myself? First off, I am practicing not cussing like a sailor, and I'm practicing saving my filthy jokes for girls' nights. I'm trying to regain my focus so that I might offer a light touch and a kind word in return. I'm learning what real men do, and how it feels to be treated well, and I'm learning to be truly grateful for a man. Damn, now that is a step forward for me, and I'm grinning ear to ear just typing it.

Goal #3 - Become A GREAT Mom

I bit the bullet and decided to rid my life of some stressful clutter. I got rid of the 'nice' car and paid cash for an older car that gets awesome gas mileage. I also filed papers to modify my custody arrangement. Got an awesome attorney behind me and ready to fight this battle til it's won. My kids deserve stability. They deserve consistency and a mother who isn't always running around like a chicken with her head cut off, scraping for money and stressing about the little amount of time we get to spend together. It's all about the stability and routine for us. 

Goal #4 - Plan Ahead

It seems that every semester we run out of student loan money about 5 weeks before we're due for another installment. Last winter was especially stressful at Christmastime, and if it weren't for a miracle in my family, my son would not have had anything in his stocking. So last week I decided to buy all my kids' Christmas gifts and withdraw enough quarters to do our laundry through the rest of the year. That way, if we run out of money on December 1st, at the very least my kids will have Christmas presents and we'll all have clean underwear :D Go, Me!!