I chat with my bosses often about marriage and relationships, and I've come to terms with the fact that everybody needs something different. I, for one, could never be happy with a man who had no aspirations, hobbies, or no personal goals. I don't want to be anyone's reason for living or source of entertainment. I realize that sounds selfish and conceited, but in my mind, a man without an aspiration is a man without an identity. Words to live by, folks. I'll add that to my list of Favorite Quotes and One-Liners.
Then there's my boss, who is married to a woman who has done nothing but stay home with the kids. She's not particularly supportive or helpful with her husband's goals, but she lets him do his thing and she doesn't ask for much. My other boss is married to a woman who has spent her marriage building her husband's business, helping out and encouraging in any way she can. His success and happiness are her hobbies.
There are a few things that I know I don't and will never tolerate.. isn't it funny how it's so much easier to make a list of things we don't want than a list of things we do want?
Then there's my boss, who is married to a woman who has done nothing but stay home with the kids. She's not particularly supportive or helpful with her husband's goals, but she lets him do his thing and she doesn't ask for much. My other boss is married to a woman who has spent her marriage building her husband's business, helping out and encouraging in any way she can. His success and happiness are her hobbies.
There are a few things that I know I don't and will never tolerate.. isn't it funny how it's so much easier to make a list of things we don't want than a list of things we do want?
For example, I will never be happy with a porn addict (more to come on that later). I will never be happy with an inferiority complex, a controlling personality, a 'good enough' personality, or an insecure person.
But what could make me happy and fulfilled? I will write a list, sparing you the weighted averages.
My significant other must...
... be forward and blunt. I prefer honest, aggressive personalities.
... be smart. I love intellectual conversation!
... take care of himself.
... be passionate.
... be spontaneous.
... be open about his feelings.
... be independent.
I'll be honest, I haven't been great about enforcing my expectations in the past. But it's something that has GOT to happen for any relationship to flourish. If I find a guy who doesn't have even half of these qualities, but thinks I'm perfect for him, I need to be honest about my feelings. I need to trust myself enough to know that as much as he argues that he is truly wonderful (and maybe he is perfect for someone else), he is not what I'm looking for.
Being honest with yourself about your expectations and limits is Step #1 to getting into the right relationship. I feel like I need to chant these words to myself daily for them to sink in.
My opinions matter.
My feelings matter.
I know what I want.
I know what works for me... and what doesn't.
Frankly, no one has the right to try to convince me otherwise. No one has the right to tell me what I should tolerate. Right?? But all too often, we give others the rights to our limits, simply by keeping silent. And I'm saying right now: knock that shit off. Respect yourself enough to say No when it feels wrong, and Go For It when it feels right.
I'll admit it, I hate whining. I hate salespeople. And every single time I start to stand up for myself and my feelings, these are the responses I am met with. Whining, guilt-tripping, convincing, and more whining. These are my weak spots. These are the things I cave to just so I don't have to listen to them anymore. But I'm putting an end to it. I have a new zero-tolerance policy for whining. I am learning to tune it out. Tune the garbage out.
Make your own zero-tolerance policy for things that don't work for you.
'Cause here's the scoop:
If you ever find yourself so deep in a miserable relationship, so entrenched in someone else's life or grasp that you can no longer breathe or care about yourself... you have no one to blame but yourself. Your reality is ONLY a reflection of your choices, and your reactions to the choices made by others. (Unless you are ill outside your control, of course.) Wherever you are right now, today, it's a result of YOU. Never forget that. Never blame someone else for your situation. If you can't get out of a bad situation, it's because YOU can't get out. Not because someone is forcing you to stay.
So define some boundaries already! Get to know your unique self and what YOU want in life, then make it happen. Go for what YOU want. Don't become a victim of what someone else wants for you. Gain an identity and take control over your life and your happiness. And most importantly, trust that your thoughts matter. Because they do.
I'll be honest, I haven't been great about enforcing my expectations in the past. But it's something that has GOT to happen for any relationship to flourish. If I find a guy who doesn't have even half of these qualities, but thinks I'm perfect for him, I need to be honest about my feelings. I need to trust myself enough to know that as much as he argues that he is truly wonderful (and maybe he is perfect for someone else), he is not what I'm looking for.
Being honest with yourself about your expectations and limits is Step #1 to getting into the right relationship. I feel like I need to chant these words to myself daily for them to sink in.
My opinions matter.
My feelings matter.
I know what I want.
I know what works for me... and what doesn't.
Frankly, no one has the right to try to convince me otherwise. No one has the right to tell me what I should tolerate. Right?? But all too often, we give others the rights to our limits, simply by keeping silent. And I'm saying right now: knock that shit off. Respect yourself enough to say No when it feels wrong, and Go For It when it feels right.
I'll admit it, I hate whining. I hate salespeople. And every single time I start to stand up for myself and my feelings, these are the responses I am met with. Whining, guilt-tripping, convincing, and more whining. These are my weak spots. These are the things I cave to just so I don't have to listen to them anymore. But I'm putting an end to it. I have a new zero-tolerance policy for whining. I am learning to tune it out. Tune the garbage out.
Make your own zero-tolerance policy for things that don't work for you.
'Cause here's the scoop:
If you ever find yourself so deep in a miserable relationship, so entrenched in someone else's life or grasp that you can no longer breathe or care about yourself... you have no one to blame but yourself. Your reality is ONLY a reflection of your choices, and your reactions to the choices made by others. (Unless you are ill outside your control, of course.) Wherever you are right now, today, it's a result of YOU. Never forget that. Never blame someone else for your situation. If you can't get out of a bad situation, it's because YOU can't get out. Not because someone is forcing you to stay.
So define some boundaries already! Get to know your unique self and what YOU want in life, then make it happen. Go for what YOU want. Don't become a victim of what someone else wants for you. Gain an identity and take control over your life and your happiness. And most importantly, trust that your thoughts matter. Because they do.
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