Mental Commentary for Talking Yourself Into It

As women, we tend to take the blame for just about everything. But in reality, not everything is our fault, and we do NOT need to feel guilty for wanting happiness. Bottom line is this: If your man wouldn't do anything in his power to help you reach your goals, he's not the guy for you. And if you wouldn't do anything in your power to help him reach his goals, you probably aren't the girl for him. That is what relationships boil down to, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with concluding that you're not right for each other. So as Step 1, look at your life goals. Are you ever going to get there with him in your life? Does he truly want you to become all you can, and does he give you the freedom and support you need to get there?

Whether you've been married for 30 years or have been dating 2 months, whether you have kids together or not, you BOTH deserve happiness. So stop wasting each others' time already! Get out and find someone who better suits you!

Now let me guess, you're afraid he'll be heartbroken, that he can't survive without you, that he will hurt you (if this is the case, go get a restraining order before the breakup!), or maybe you're afraid that you won't know what to do with yourself if you break up with your loser-y excuse for a man. Who will you take care of? Who will you be in turmoil with? HOW will you break the habit?

Let me tell you something, it is NOT easy to break the habit, even when the relationship has been a roller coaster from day one. You want relief, you want happiness, but it takes a good two or three weeks to get used to NOT being abused, to NOT receiving his texts/phone calls/emails, and to finally take care of your emotional health. It's HARD work. The reason for that is the fact that it's easier to take on a new addiction than squash the one you already have. You have to STOP your addiction to pain and turmoil! You need to heal the emotional wounds before you'll ever find anything better. I guarantee you that if you go out immediately and find another guy, he will only be Loser-y-Excuse-for-a-Man Part 2. Are ya looking for a double feature?? I don't think so!

So HOW do you talk yourself into breaking it off when you have so much at stake (kids, emotions, your inevitable pain from withdrawal, etc)? You know how I love to organize things, so let's make a list. (These may not all apply to you).

It's okay to break up because...
1. I don't want my kids growing up believing that this is how women should be treated.
2. I don't want my kids growing up believing that women are weak and need men, especially worthless men.
3. I know I'm trustworthy and deserve to be trusted.
4. I am strong enough to be alone (another post to come about being alone).
5. I am better off alone than in the wrong relationship - Thanks, Jenn B.!
6. Good, single men DO exist, according to Jenn B. *wink*
7. I am amazing.
8. I am beautiful.
9. I have a LOT to offer.
10. I deserve happiness!

Repeat the last four to yourself. Write them down and tape them to your bathroom mirror if you have to. Put them in your iPhone calendar as daily reminders, a different one for each day. You need to understand that YOU. DESERVE. MORE. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and respected. Once you get that into your head we'll talk about how to go about breaking it off.

Updated: Here's a little tip: If you're in a no-privacy relationship, open yourself a clandestine email account, and start a draft email journal. You'll never add a recipient to this email, but continue to add to the draft as a journal. Record all the instances when he has pissed you off, hurt you, or made you think of leaving. In the end, when he's trying to talk you back into the relationship (or if you're talking yourself back into it), you will have your journal to read as a reminder of why you need to leave.