Congratulations!! You have decided to break up with your Cop-Out, Asshole, Inferior, [insert derogatory male adjective here] Other Half! But remember, the decision doesn't mean shit 'til the deed is done. So get it done!
I'm a strong believer in writing breakup letters. Handwritten, emailed, whatever. It's proof that you did feel this way at at least one time, and there is no denying it. Not to mention the fact that I'm notorious for letting others take over emotionally charged arguments in person. I break down, I cry, I forget my note cards, it's just not pretty. Not my best attribute. BUT, I am excellent at writing letters, so letters I write, and I encourage you to do the same. I do have some rules for letter-writing of this nature, simply because you don't wanna have to do it twice!
I'm a strong believer in writing breakup letters. Handwritten, emailed, whatever. It's proof that you did feel this way at at least one time, and there is no denying it. Not to mention the fact that I'm notorious for letting others take over emotionally charged arguments in person. I break down, I cry, I forget my note cards, it's just not pretty. Not my best attribute. BUT, I am excellent at writing letters, so letters I write, and I encourage you to do the same. I do have some rules for letter-writing of this nature, simply because you don't wanna have to do it twice!
Rule #2: Stick to the facts. Honesty is the best policy, and he's most likely to 'get it' if you provide factual, fair reasons for wanting to break it off. Tell him how he has had a negative impact on you and your life.
Rule #3: Stick to your guns! He will apologize, he'll beg you back, he'll tell you how upset he is, but it's too little, too late. Fuck that noise, girl, you don't wanna hear it, and you deserve better than the age-old 'Didn't Know What I Had 'Til it Was Gone' spiel!
Sample Text Breakup:
(Obviously, a text breakup is only appropriate for relationships younger than 4-6 weeks).
(Obviously, a text breakup is only appropriate for relationships younger than 4-6 weeks).
Thank you for your time and efforts as my other half. After analysis of recent behavior and elevated expectations on my behalf, your qualifications for the Significant Other position at this organization can no longer be confirmed. Thank you for your interest. Any future applications will not be considered. Have a nice day! :-)
Following this text you should block his number. It would be embarrassing for you to read his lame comeback.
Following this text you should block his number. It would be embarrassing for you to read his lame comeback.
* * *
Sample Email Breakup:
(Yes, this was a real breakup email, and yes, it worked like a charm).
Jake,
I hate to keep bringing this up, but what you said the other night was not okay, and it was enough to chase me away for good. I have no desire whatsoever to even be friends with someone who degrades me, and I do not have to put up with it. I have forgotten what I was attracted to in the first place, because all I see is an immature, disrespectful, abusive person. By abuse, I mean the pattern of pushing someone away and then backtracking with an apology or denial when you think you're in danger of losing your control object. I know none of this phases you, but I need to get it off my chest.
I hated that we never had anything to talk about. I also hated the fact that I became an abuser myself because of you. I have never been so snappy and rude to anyone, as I have been to you since I met you. I felt degraded constantly, and I was constantly hitting back verbally to make myself feel better. I hated always having to defend the female race. I used to enjoy cooking and connecting physically, but you have made me despise both.
I think you're missing out on a huge part of life by burning bridges, but you seem determined to do so. I would prefer a clean break with no further contact between us.
Sincerely,
Jenn A.
So there you have it. Write a letter. Draft it several hundred times if you have to. Or, if you have the nuts, break it off in person! Just remember, DON'T focus on your emotions. Focus on the facts, the objective aspects of the breakup and you'll be just fine.
I hate to keep bringing this up, but what you said the other night was not okay, and it was enough to chase me away for good. I have no desire whatsoever to even be friends with someone who degrades me, and I do not have to put up with it. I have forgotten what I was attracted to in the first place, because all I see is an immature, disrespectful, abusive person. By abuse, I mean the pattern of pushing someone away and then backtracking with an apology or denial when you think you're in danger of losing your control object. I know none of this phases you, but I need to get it off my chest.
I hated that we never had anything to talk about. I also hated the fact that I became an abuser myself because of you. I have never been so snappy and rude to anyone, as I have been to you since I met you. I felt degraded constantly, and I was constantly hitting back verbally to make myself feel better. I hated always having to defend the female race. I used to enjoy cooking and connecting physically, but you have made me despise both.
I think you're missing out on a huge part of life by burning bridges, but you seem determined to do so. I would prefer a clean break with no further contact between us.
Sincerely,
Jenn A.
* * *
So there you have it. Write a letter. Draft it several hundred times if you have to. Or, if you have the nuts, break it off in person! Just remember, DON'T focus on your emotions. Focus on the facts, the objective aspects of the breakup and you'll be just fine.
thank you i read this to my boyfriend now he's my ex boyfriend big help
ReplyDelete10 out of 10 would do again